is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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