i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
