We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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