I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
