So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
