He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
