What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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