I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
