Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
