does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
