why didn't you poke me back
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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