how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
