I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
