eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
