i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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