He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
