i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
