I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
