oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
