lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
