Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
