well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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