Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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