he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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