he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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