Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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