Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
