i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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