arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
