Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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