almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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