Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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