i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
