Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
