Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
