Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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