There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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