we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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