Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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