remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
