At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will be naked everywhere
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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