Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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