Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
