eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
