You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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