something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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