im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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