You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
