I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Are we still banned from the library?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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