I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
