What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
