She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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