You don't have asthma, your pregnant
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
